like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
