mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
