WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
