i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do herpes really smell.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
