It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
