I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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