i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
did i just pee glitter
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
