i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
