I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
