she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
