Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
