i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
