Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
