either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
