this beer tastes like vomit already
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
