I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
