so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
