Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
