Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
