Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
