When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
