Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
