His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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