we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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