Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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