I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
