Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
