Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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