After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
