Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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