At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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