yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
