Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
