What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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