How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
