summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
