I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
