Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
