Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
