i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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