Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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