great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
