Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
