just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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