I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
