I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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