just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
