Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
