plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
