I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
