seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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