I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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