When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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