My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
