I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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