you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
