oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
