I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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